It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
