Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize