Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
