so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
