Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
