I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He passed out mid-signature
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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