Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
