Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
