Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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