so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
