He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
