I want to walk on stilts...naked
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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