turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
