Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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