8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
