I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
