If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
