i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just found puke in my bra..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize