Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
