If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
