I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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