You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize