Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
