What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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