don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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