i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
