i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
