I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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