What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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