just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
