Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
