So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize