I wish I could teleport
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
