its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you never un-have a 4some
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
