i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
