I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Congratulations! We have a period
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
