hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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