mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize