So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
