are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
