You work out of a Hotel?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize