Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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