i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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