no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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