I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
