My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
