I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
