everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
