google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
