i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
