Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just invented taco cereal.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Randomize
