dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize