areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
