He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
