i just google imaged poop.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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