community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize