but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
