My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
