I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
