The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
