He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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