capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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