capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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