i barfeds in our rink
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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