Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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