I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
