By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
