first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
