I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
