Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
