Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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