chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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