So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
