just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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